Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
