ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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