Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I am morally bankrupt
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
