Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
