i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
