I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
