if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
