i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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