Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
