Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
