i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
