More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
