I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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