My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
