apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
