...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
