I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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