i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
