Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
