Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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