the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
