I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
