I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
