Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
