i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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