I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
