im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
