genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
