Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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