I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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