your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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