Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
