and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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