You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
