Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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