You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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