she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
