Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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