The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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