And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just had sex on a roof
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
