Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i think my cat just said my name.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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