What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
