Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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