I like my sex mixed with concussions.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
