is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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