Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
