I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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