I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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