Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
