Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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